Floppy Bits

13. Januar 2008

Every day I take Lila to the Volkspark in my neighborhood. It’s not really a pretty park, just a bunch of leafless trees and muddy paths. But it spans many acres, has a huge dog park, and plenty of room to walk or run. Apparently the concept of exercise has taken off in Berlin, because today the park was packed with joggers. I even saw some smiling joggers, which is not a sight I am used to seeing in Germany.

Unfortunately, the images from my stroll in the park that I can’t get out of my mind are not of my dog frisking with other pups in the dog park, nor are they of the joggers who smiled while listening to music on their ipods. What I can’t get out of my head are all the floppy bits I had to see as the joggers passed by. Now, I applaud Germans for getting into exercise, especially given the amount of sausage consumed per capita in this country. And many of the joggers I see seem to take great pride in wearing true workout gear: wicking fabric, shiny colors, light-reflective fabric, etc. But somewhere in the process, no one seemed to pick up on needing to wear supportive underwear underneath those trendy exercise outfits. I have never in my life seen so many breasts bounce at such high velocity. Up to the chin, down to the waist, up to the chin, down to the waist, flop, flop, BANG BANG PLOP PLOP!!!! And it causes me great pain to see this, because I know that their muscle fibers are ripping and shredding, and that they will soon have big, stretched out flopsters that hang down past their belly buttons. And ladies, doesn’t that HURT??I just don’t understand.

And while we are on the subject of pain, picture this: An older gentleman, with very thin running tights on, tucked into his socks and shoes, so they look like stirrup pants circa 1982. Pants pulled all the way up past his waist, highlighting and clinging around his floppy little package. Come on, men, aren’t you supposed to be wearing a cup, or a dance belt, or something? Keep it together! No one wants to see that!!! It ruined my appetite for at least an hour.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is: People…..Keep your sausage to yourselves!
I wonder how to say that in German?